Cooley's submission was frankly underwhelming, but in his attempt at humor in which he tried to describe the futility of having conversations with a kicker, he did throw out something that caught my attention:
"A couple of weeks ago, I squatted over my helmet next to Shaun Suisham on the practice sideline of Redskins Park...Conversations with a kicker are typically nonsense-filled ideas ranging from Barack Obama staring down girls' backsides to Michael Jackson's death dragging his estate out of debt. Every so often, we even talk about football, but with a kicker it's usually something about how a holder's chubby, jittery hands can mess up an entire season or why adding two games to the regular season would be so much harder on a kicking leg... "
After going on awhile about installing sensors in footballs so that it could be precisely measured when the ball cross the goaline - or stay within the goalposts - he comes back to the fat punter:
"Yes, this great new method also applies to kickers and Suisham's short goal-post theory, though it can't make ex-punters any skinnier."
There's no way that the overweight ex-punter can be anyone but the notoriously rotund Ryan Plackemeier - Durant Brooks' replacement last year. That's Plackemeier in the photo. He is a large young man.
This, apparently, is Suisham's attempt to write off his 72% field goal success rate last year. For the sake of our kicking game, I hope Hunter Smith has lithe, nimble fingers that will be more to Suisham's liking.